Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label holiday. Show all posts

Monday, November 8, 2010

The Dead


"What about the song? Why does that make you cry?"

She raised her head from her arms and dried her eyes with the back of her hand like a child. A kinder note than he had intended went into his voice.

"Why, Gretta?" he asked.

"I am thinking about a person long ago who used to sing that song."

"And who was the person long ago?" asked Gabriel, smiling.

"It was a person I used to know in Galway when I was living with my grandmother," she said.

The smile passed away from Gabriel's face. A dull anger began to gather again at the back of his mind and the dull fires of his lust began to glow angrily in his veins.

"Someone you were in love with?" he asked ironically.

"It was a young boy I used to know," she answered, "named Michael Furey. He used to sing that song, The Lass of Aughrim. He was very delicate."

Gabriel was silent. He did not wish her to think that he was interested in this delicate boy.

"I can see him so plainly," she said, after a moment. "Such eyes as he had: big, dark eyes! And such an expression in them -- an expression!"

"O, then, you are in love with him?" said Gabriel.

"I used to go out walking with him," she said, "when I was in Galway."

A thought flew across Gabriel's mind.

"Perhaps that was why you wanted to go to Galway with that Ivors girl?" he said coldly.

She looked at him and asked in surprise:

"What for?"

Her eyes made Gabriel feel awkward. He shrugged his shoulders and said:

"How do I know? To see him, perhaps."

She looked away from him along the shaft of light towards the window in silence.

"He is dead," she said at length. "He died when he was only seventeen. Isn't it a terrible thing to die so young as that?"

"What was he?" asked Gabriel, still ironically.

"He was in the gasworks," she said.

Gabriel felt humiliated by the failure of his irony and by the evocation of this figure from the dead, a boy in the gasworks. While he had been full of memories of their secret life together, full of tenderness and joy and desire, she had been comparing him in her mind with another. A shameful consciousness of his own person assailed him. He saw himself as a ludicrous figure, acting as a pennyboy for his aunts, a nervous, well-meaning sentimentalist, orating to vulgarians and idealising his own clownish lusts, the pitiable fatuous fellow he had caught a glimpse of in the mirror. Instinctively he turned his back more to the light lest she might see the shame that burned upon his forehead.

He tried to keep up his tone of cold interrogation, but his voice when he spoke was humble and indifferent.

"I suppose you were in love with this Michael Furey, Gretta," he said.

"I was great with him at that time," she said.

Her voice was veiled and sad. Gabriel, feeling now how vain it would be to try to lead her whither he had purposed, caressed one of her hands and said, also sadly:

"And what did he die of so young, Gretta? Consumption, was it?"

"I think he died for me," she answered.


Sunday, November 16, 2008

i aspergersed you not to say that

when the french have landed, you know it's winter.
also everything is closed and it's snowy.

2 french landed at my house last week though. not the quebec kind, the axis of evil kind.
{dear french people,
i know that you might suck at anglais and thus not pick up the subtle humour in my discussion of your contributions to terror, but try not to be offended. i like france quite a bit.}
anyways these "couch surfers" arrived under the guidance of room "mate" M.P. Dater/Faker/Creeper and it was awkward at best and eye-gouging at worst. i am not a fan of stranger house guests. Call me old fashioned, but i think couches are for buds and bros.

the river is still not frozen but it is trying. it sounds like things breaking and snapping in a slow sinister fashion. i like the sound a lot.


some days the sun is bright and lovely for 2 hours or so but most days it is just white-grey sky with vague distant glow light for 2 hours instead. for some reason this year it seems darker and more overwhelming. i have absolutely no idea why.



i am trying to quel my distaste for the darkness by making ever-growing lists of things i want to do in the cities when i am travelling like a real person in real places.
i have not yet been able to prioritize or schedule them, but some highlights include:

1. eat korean food
2. go to natural history museum
3. go to american folk art museum for henry darger exhibit
4. buy expensive pants
5. make a few scenes
6. embarass a few shitty acquaintances with public intoxication
7. yell profanities at sub-par bands
8. drink labatt 50
9. acquire additional tattoos
10. get a perm
11. create elaborate Home Alone 2 Lost in New York photo series wherein i play the role of Kevin Mcallister at some of the film's most memorable landmarks....

oh i am going to be up WAY past my bedtime with this hair-brained project.

here is the thing about having elaborate travel plans is that it can be so hard to plan them.
at my term break i will have all these wee stops and now i don't know where i will/should go for new year's eve. new year's eve is kind of a sham and a liar so it is challenging to plan around it.
i am kind of mostly thinking i want to be in dawson city, land of the midnight no-sun.

hard to say-- you know how it is. there are just so many people i love in all the places.





you know how it is.




i am working on a stupid art project and a new mixed cd project right now-- neither are going terribly well and both are pissing me off and making me feel inferior.....buttttttttttt i will give the maddest of mad props to my ipod for sticking with me regardless of my ill treatment and poor care of it. You see on Tuesdays and Wednesdays (because i don't work til 4) i walk up the dome to the cemetaries to prevent atrophy and insanity and take a couple wintertime photos, looks for the White Lodge, contemplate the tangibility of existence, etc.
Then i slide back to town all the way down crocus bluff on my butt and laugh hysterically and hope no one is around. These epic wintertime journies require headphones obviously, and on my last slide-venture i took an ill-chosen path and ended up topwise-backwards and covered in snow. My ipod was in the snow, but not just lightly, buried entirely. The headphone jack was all jammed with ice and i thought my dayz were numbered. But nothing happened.
So now i can continue fussing over my shitty mixed cd and lament my inferiority long into 2009.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

and you know that's not all

\

soon i have to go back to the working.
i just don't know if am ready.
i want to go on holiday already.
i'm sure it will be an enjoyable year, i just want to have an angry baby fit about it, fairly internally, for the next two weeks or so.

It was nice outside all the day yesterday and all the day (sofar) today.
Almost like it's summer or some shit.
The light is all different and cool, or fresh, as the french are fond of saying.
fresh indeed.

Why would 'spud' ever have emerged to replace 'potato'?
why?
it makes my heart beat fast but not in a good way.

i have never met a successful five year plan.
i have never met a Samoan (sp?).



it is going to be rough no matter what.



la lune:



for us by us.





all for jen.

etc.