neuf neuf neuf neuf neuf

One fresh January evening a frenchman is bragging to his friend about this pig he has.
He says:"My pig is tres amazing. Did you know he can do math?"
His friend says: "Don't be silly. I don't believe you. You are a french liar."
The frenchman replies :"Here, I`ll show it to you."
So he turns to his pig and says: "What's 3 times 3?"
The pig says: "..neuf..."
"See?", the frenchman says, "I told you so."
"This is truly incredible", his friend replies, "show me more".
So the frenchman turns to his pig again: "How much is 5 plus 4?"
Once again the pig says: "...neuf..."
"Aha! Wait a minute!"the friend says,"Can he do any calculation that doesn't end in 9?"
The frenchman squirms a bit, looks around, and finally replies: "..um..yeah, yes of course he can! Sacre bleu! I'm no french liar!"
"Let me try" the friend says accusingly: "Hey pig, how much is 4 plus 4?"
The pig sniffs the ground silently.
The frenchman, not wanting to be exposed for the french liar he is, grabs a stick and shoves it up the pig's rear:
"HUUIIIIITTTT!!!!"

That was a 2009 joke. It has a 9 in it.
But it also has an 8 in it. This is significant.
I feel removed enough from the recently-departed year of our lord 2008 to discuss it openly now.

i don't remember a lot of the things that happened in it, and many of the things i thought of to discuss actually happened in 2007 or the late eighties, so there's that.

i liked some records from 2008. That part i usually remember.

these were some of them:





















but certainly not all of them...

what else happened in 2008? Lots of things. Too many to report probably. I think as long everyone just keeps in mind that 2008 was the year :

- kraft foods introduced "bagel-fuls"
- of european intercultural dialogue
- "10,000 b.c" came out
- the large hadron collider hit the scene
- the seven NEW deadly sins fell from heaven

happy new year though.

i will leave you with my tea-leaf predictions for 2009:



- bobby pins will continue to be made shittier and shittier
- olympic fever will divide vancouver
- golden retrievers will enjoy a comeback
- david sedaris will keep annoying me
- people will keep trying to tell me to give david sedaris a try
- the blues will remain blue

cephalopodcasts and other things that lurk

No matter how many times I have to reset my ipod I never remember how the next time after. And it is quite straightforward…

I blame black holes, and subsequently, France. The CERN, man.

I think it’s American anti-french propaganda resurfacing. Maybe.

Or maybe who cares:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j50ZssEojtM

Got the old teen thieved camera back from the police today. They brought it to my house at 11:30 in the pm. I feel this is late for law enforcement to pop by. I mean, they called first, but I was in my ‘jammers none the less. Also, the teen photos (all 45 of them in place of my thousands) are so wildly disappointing. Jesus. There is a pretty debasing "video" of the camera-stealing teens (and their of-age associates...ugh) smoking pot out of a large decorative hookah and then dancing poorly to daft punk.

But enough about teens...

segue.
that's a funny one.

I’ve never been “into” the ocean. I mean I’ve been in it literally, but I’ve never been stoked about it. No dolphin themed bedding. Didn’t want to be a marine biologist. I did enjoy danger bay though…not sure if that counts.

My lack of team-building exercises with the briny deep have resulted in fairly irrational and outlandish fear of water creatures/features. I am terrified of whirlpools, and I don’t even know if they’re real. But then there’s the creatures. People have been scared of sea creature fucks for ever. That’s because they’re scary. So scary that people like to pretend they don’t exist…please sea the Kraken for further details.

Oh yes quite a colourful myth... {often well illustrated}

Enter extreme mega squids.

why would anything ever have to look like that?

and perhaps most importantly of all, why does it need to have a beak?


like i want to be torn apart by that thing.
stupid head-foots. Pretty sassy for weird blobs just made of goo all day.

i have been reading a bit about risky animals. it's shattering my faith in James Herriot AND Dr. Doolittle (played by Eddie Murphy)

this is making less and less sense...i hope the cephalopod segment is flashy enough with images to distract from this other tripe.
Really i'm just killing time not being able to sleep/waiting to try to operate some sort of online ticket presale...that's coming up...i am readying.

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oh ya. Neil Young on my bday. In New York.
Good times.

Now squids don't seem as intimidating.