the door to the cabinet is to be opened using a minimum of 15 kleenexes.

i wake up to CBC Radio 2 each day that i wake up.
some nights i don't sleep, and in those cases i am not awoken by CBC Radio 2 at 7:30 a.m., but rather startled by it instead.

In either case, you might be wondering, "why would anyone choose CBC Radio 2?" and that is a fair question. It is worse than CBC Radio 1. Like a lot worse. In fact, it's so bad that i get out of bed just to shut it off. That's why i choose CBC Radio 2 for all my alarm clock radio needs.

The reason it's so bad might in fact be some programming mandate of which i am not aware, but until i crack that code, from my perspective CBC Radio 2 is so bad because Tom Allen is the host of the morning show. According to CBC's website, Tom is "a passionate music lover, storyteller, accomplished trombonist, writer and broadcaster" and his program features "singer-songwriters plus a little R&B, world music, classic pop... and his own inimitable story telling".
Okay.
So the genres listed are among my least favourite in all of the musical world, so it mightn't seem reasonable for me to complain about this, however it's not only that the genres blow. Oh no. Tom also manages to find the worst possible representatives of said genres. Also important to note is that Tom Allen plays the same songs every morning. Like the same songs at the same time. I only listen to the radio for the 5-35 minutes i lay in bed thinking about shutting it off, and i am often shocked terrified that I am trapped in some Groundhog day-esque nightmare, because the same shitty Coeur de Pirate song that was on at 8:12 on Wednesday morning will re-appear at 8:24 on Friday morning.
Who fucking does that?
I understand having favourites or classics on a given show, but unless Tom Allen has OCD unheard of since the days of Howard Hughes (which i doubt because that would be waaaaay too interesting), this is uncalled for. I could also maybe sympathize with the repetitiveness if it were awesome songs every morning. I could probably listen to Hall and Oates "I Can't Go For That" every morning, and I'm probably not alone in that. But we're talking about worldbeat bullshit and awkward romantic adult R&B. These are not "classics". They are songs that are so bad they wake me up.
I thought for a while that maybe that was the point-- songs so bad they wake you up. But then i started to listen to what Tom Allen was saying himself, his "inimitable storytelling", if you will.
It was then i realised that the point was not songs so bad they wake you up, and the Tom Allen himself is an ass-clown. He doesn't know anything about music, and knows little about anything else. Listening to him talk about Arctic Sovereignty almost made my head explode. He has a non-commital, vaguely liberal, politcally-correct tone that makes every "story" sound like a sermon at united church. Every now and then he treats the listeners to a stuttered anecdote (and i use the term loosely) about his musician days. Even those personal stories contain not even a hint of engagement. Tom Allen is like a toast sandwich with a crushed cracker filling.

But do you know what the worst part of all is?

He looks like this:
and i fucking know he's happy about it.