Monday, December 15, 2008

Thursday, December 4, 2008

"The Simpsons" $pringfield (or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling); 1993.

[Robert Goulet arrives with Bart at his tree-house Casino]
Robert Goulet: Are you sure this is the Casino? Mr. Burns' Casino? I think I should call my manager...
Nelson: Your manager says for you to shut up!
Robert Goulet: Vera said that?

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Sunday, November 23, 2008

spatial awareness and other set backs


bananas have gotten cool lately. maybe this is just in the yukon. more likely this has been the case in the rest of the nation for some time and it is only now catching on here. sweet sweet northern bloc. you giveth and you taketh away. mostly taketh. lousy bloc. to get to my original point though i feel as though these socio-culturally aware stickers, some of which even feature jokes, are the banana growers attempting to distract us from the danger of banana extinction:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/2664373.stm
i am not distracted, banana people. i might have laughed at your LOL bananas and subsequently purchased them, but i've got my eye on you.

if bananas go extinct, i will just have to eat even more monte cristo sandwiches. even more than i already do. is that even possible? get back to me when bananas are extinct and i will let you know.

I spent a very long while preparing my second radio show of the week, which took place earlier this day. it was not even slightly thematically unified, but i did manage to play tusk by fleetwood mac, which is pretty important i feel. i also discussed gay marriage in relation to utah and the sundance film festival and finished with "i can't believe you actually died" by the microphones. i thought it was one of my better productions, exceptttttt i have a really difficult time talking comfortably on the air when there are people in the station though. i guess maybe that will never go away. lots of people today. ruining my flow. cock-blocking my steez. etc. i would like to adopt the role of a gritty reporter so people are scared to come when i'm there. this is the most natural and best solution by far. by far.

In other avoiding working related "news" i have been trying to take a picture of molly's cat two-face (or toof as i like to call her) in order to complete a portrait for molly's christmas present (she already knows about it, so relax). this picture is by no means successful for my drawing, but it does make toof look like a real lady/ghost cat.

the benefit to this weird cloudy winter is that clouds do good things with the sun and the mountains, and that makes the sun going away almost worthwhile. almost not quite.

i have so many things to do that i can't do any of them. i just want to make buttons all the time.


buttons and monte cristos. why i can't i just make that?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

to my kitty-cat

an open letter to geddy lee:

as proud as i am that you enjoy fine french soft cheeses as much as i do, stop eating my fine french soft cheeses when i am not looking. that shit is expensive, and you lick your butt and feet.



you a sleuth everywhere.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

omegahedron

yesterday i got locked outside on the deck at work.
then some other stuff that was stupid happened.
is it really depressing or really awesome if the sweetest part of one's day is talking to (read: having a spiritual experience with) a fox?
i'm going to go ahead and say really awesome.

oh hey there 4 o'clock....bringing some darkness? already? great!

i just got peanut butter under my t key.

this is a picture of god visiting the north end:


this is the river bein' almost frozen:


here is some white light:

Sunday, November 16, 2008

i aspergersed you not to say that

when the french have landed, you know it's winter.
also everything is closed and it's snowy.

2 french landed at my house last week though. not the quebec kind, the axis of evil kind.
{dear french people,
i know that you might suck at anglais and thus not pick up the subtle humour in my discussion of your contributions to terror, but try not to be offended. i like france quite a bit.}
anyways these "couch surfers" arrived under the guidance of room "mate" M.P. Dater/Faker/Creeper and it was awkward at best and eye-gouging at worst. i am not a fan of stranger house guests. Call me old fashioned, but i think couches are for buds and bros.

the river is still not frozen but it is trying. it sounds like things breaking and snapping in a slow sinister fashion. i like the sound a lot.


some days the sun is bright and lovely for 2 hours or so but most days it is just white-grey sky with vague distant glow light for 2 hours instead. for some reason this year it seems darker and more overwhelming. i have absolutely no idea why.



i am trying to quel my distaste for the darkness by making ever-growing lists of things i want to do in the cities when i am travelling like a real person in real places.
i have not yet been able to prioritize or schedule them, but some highlights include:

1. eat korean food
2. go to natural history museum
3. go to american folk art museum for henry darger exhibit
4. buy expensive pants
5. make a few scenes
6. embarass a few shitty acquaintances with public intoxication
7. yell profanities at sub-par bands
8. drink labatt 50
9. acquire additional tattoos
10. get a perm
11. create elaborate Home Alone 2 Lost in New York photo series wherein i play the role of Kevin Mcallister at some of the film's most memorable landmarks....

oh i am going to be up WAY past my bedtime with this hair-brained project.

here is the thing about having elaborate travel plans is that it can be so hard to plan them.
at my term break i will have all these wee stops and now i don't know where i will/should go for new year's eve. new year's eve is kind of a sham and a liar so it is challenging to plan around it.
i am kind of mostly thinking i want to be in dawson city, land of the midnight no-sun.

hard to say-- you know how it is. there are just so many people i love in all the places.





you know how it is.




i am working on a stupid art project and a new mixed cd project right now-- neither are going terribly well and both are pissing me off and making me feel inferior.....buttttttttttt i will give the maddest of mad props to my ipod for sticking with me regardless of my ill treatment and poor care of it. You see on Tuesdays and Wednesdays (because i don't work til 4) i walk up the dome to the cemetaries to prevent atrophy and insanity and take a couple wintertime photos, looks for the White Lodge, contemplate the tangibility of existence, etc.
Then i slide back to town all the way down crocus bluff on my butt and laugh hysterically and hope no one is around. These epic wintertime journies require headphones obviously, and on my last slide-venture i took an ill-chosen path and ended up topwise-backwards and covered in snow. My ipod was in the snow, but not just lightly, buried entirely. The headphone jack was all jammed with ice and i thought my dayz were numbered. But nothing happened.
So now i can continue fussing over my shitty mixed cd and lament my inferiority long into 2009.

Monday, November 3, 2008

and believe me there is a différence








if so,

some of today's questions for myself:

1. am i joking?

2. no, seriously?

3. would i like grits?

4. could i improve my french bread making skills or am i not french enough?

5. does sentiment come from your guts?

6. is derrida really the answer?

7. is derrida really not the answer?

8. is the possibility of death impossible?

9. is seasonal affective disorder a myth?

10. what does it sound like when doves cry?

Sunday, November 2, 2008

i'll show you a few things about saving daylight



i don't know what i'm doing. how about that?
do you guys ever not know what you're doing? oh ya. cool. that makes me feel waaaaaay better.

in an unrelated story, daylight savings time once again crept up on me like the unwanted pervert it is. at least it got an hour earlier meaning i woke up at 3 instead of 4. very productive day.
a real series of productive days.

halloween essentially renders the week before it and the days after it utterly useless, at least for me. This is likely due to my excessive attachment to halloween and undying devotion to its cause, which ends up gobbling my time and most especially distracts me from anything tangible. this year i was alice in wonderland which made returning to reality even more controversial and challenging.

It is possible, nay probable, that i am still just wandering aimlessly trying to get tips for life and direction from flowers. it is sort of like friday, saturday, and sunday were all just one big weird day together. Maybe halloween should just be spread out to take up a whole weekend to save everyone. Or forsake everyone. One of the two.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

the a-bombs are coming?

i called northwestel today to sort some account deets out and i got Petra.
She's the northwestel lady who helped me reclaim my phone line from the westmark my first winter here. Still just showing that crappy phone company who's the boss of rules.
Way to go Petra. Way to do it for the proletariat.
This phone call, in addition to nostalgia, also brought news of a late-night phone plan discount we apparently have, which will prove useful in calling people at inappropriate hours i am sure.

I am not comfortable with A & W's recently marketed "Uncle Burger".
I would just plain never be able to order that.
Uncle.
Burger.
creepy...

Also in up-to-the-minute marketing news, Risk has a Godstorm version that seeks to take risk back to an older, more mythic time when Gauls and Phoenicians could just hack each other apart with axes to satisfy their pagan gods. perfect for avoiding conversations about race and nationalism in a current context!


i would like to inflict a godstorm someday in this lifetime. we'll see.

maybe now a photostorm instead. that's a storm i can muster.



gotsta tag your school with a math equation.




the keno glows like a ghost, man




night service.




pomp n' formalities.





wintertime.




a lovely cheese pizza just for me.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

look at what the light did now

questions, and some answers:

how come no one brings me a sandwich?

why does everything smell like rye? oh ya. half a forty of rye will do that.

why is one of my fingers always bleeding?

Is it as nice out as it looks? Yes. Yes it is.

Orangina. You are so good. So good i am shocked. You shock me. I'm shocked.

i did not know that orangina was orange, lemon, and mandarin juices combined for maximum power. Thank you, potentially faulty wikipedia entry. I was not looking for ingredient details originally, i wanted to know what year it was invented so i could caption a picture "curing hangover since___". It's older than i would've given it credit for:
Orangina started life as Naranjina, presented at the 1936 Marseille Trade Fair by its Spanish inventor, chemist Dr. Trigo. LĂ©on Beton bought the concept and produced it in colonial Algeria, moving production to France in 1962 after Algeria won independance.
Way to come from colonial Algeria, Orangina. Like a young Camus. I bet he tried Orangina before lots of people. Talk about existential.

It is painfully apparent i am not making sense.
So in conclusion,


Orangina: Curing hangovers since 1936

Friday, October 3, 2008

heaven to betsy (and peggy and natasha and sonja)

i should not be allowed near computers when i am drunk.
or if i am allowed near them, it should be a read-only scenario.
maybe boxing gloves should be requisite.

in unrelated news deciding what everyone's opposite gender name would be made last night a real treat, all without the awesome power of fibre optics.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

the greatest good for the greatest number

it keeps snowing little bits but not enough to be winter, just enough to be inconveniently slippery.
Rocktober, you're the one.
Maybe october is my favourite month? That might be based largely on halloween though-- hard to say. I have yet to decide upon a costuming scheme, though i do have a few "good" "ideas". I am always so tempted to go for the conceptual costume, but i fully realise that will only serve to make me look like even more of an art fag than i already do. Concept costumes also run the risk of being really unclear to the outside viewer and necessitate constant explanation, which can get tiresome, nay impossible, as the night ( and her drinks...oh the night's ghoulish drinks) goes on.

Do you have to soak barley before you cook it? i have no idea, so i opted for yes. I guess i could use the barley water in olde-timey cure fashion. I think it's supposed to be good for jaundice, which i clearly have by now.

{non sequitur break}

I had a fairly elaborate dream about Penguin Park last night (which is impressive because
a) i don't sleep much, which cuts down on the dreams b) i usually have nightmares and c) i was crunk to the maxxxx, which often results in me forgetting my dreams).
Remember Penguin Park? That depends entirely where you're from and how old you are.
It was also called Penguin Village. I don't remember which name came first. Regardless, it was a kick-ass (maybe?) water park in Saskatoon when i was a kid. It had some really vertical slides and one of the kind you go down in a tube. Sweet. I figured i'd be able to regale (and i use the term loosely) the blogosphere with pictures of how kick-ass it was, but i'll be damned if i can find one on t'internet. Bizarre. My quest for Penguin Park pictures did, however, lead me to this confusingly named destination:

Yes, Noah's Ark Waterpark. It's everything you dreamed of a biblical waterpark. According to their website,
"Noahs Ark Water Park in Wisconsin Dells is a destination that you don’t want to miss. With 41 waterslides, 2 wave pools, 2 endless rivers, 5 gift shops, 12 restaurants & outdoor lounges, 18 hole mini-golf, 3 arcades, and 1 incredible adventure, Noah’s Ark is definitely worthy of the title of “America’s Largest Water Park.”"

sign me the fuck up. Watersliding and vague religious references: my two greatest passions aligned.


parting questions:

how did i get to these Pyrenees Mountains?

where is my Bloc Quebecois campaign sign?

why does my broken 'k' key now cause random ks to appear when i press other keys?

what should my thematic approach be for my radio show on friday?

what would you be if you were in the circus?

who's the owner?


Friday, September 26, 2008

when am i supposed to say so long?





i can't find some things i want to find good grief i was just getting attached to that pen...
japanese denim though-- you can really feel the difference.

i simply cannot bring myself to convert all these MLA formatted documents to Chicago style...it seems to me that there ought to just be a computer program that could do that by now. i mean have you seen AdobeIllustrator? that shit is crazy! So why not AdobeCiter? why not, adobe?

twin peaks twin peaks it always comes back to you.

no sign of the chupacabra lately-- thylacine obsession remains however.

i really smell like deep frying. that's not terribly appealing.

None of these things go together. Stream of consciousness blogosphere. James Joyce is rolling over in his grave. Rolling with laughter at my blogosphere jokes that is. Is that even how you spell 'blogosphere'? It's almost less embarassing to spell it wrong probably.

i can hear dogs fighting outside and i want them to shut up. I can't believe they don't shut up. Everything else is certainly shutting up. This weekend marks the end of Midnight Sun Fine Chinese Clubbing and Dining Hall, Diamond Tooth Gerties Palace of Watered-Down Sin, Riverwest Muffout Bistro and White Food Factory, and Antoinette's. Soon Bumgay's will join the crowd. And then why go anywhere but Downtown at the Downtown/Pit/Eldo i guess.
Good grief.
At least i got one last game of Terra Questa in.


Changed the black label can. Big mistake. Huge.


just wait til i draft a letter, Carling you shortsighted aesthetically challenged fucks.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

sank into your dreams

makes me cry:



i saw a chupacabra/fox with severe mange in my yard last night



{it looked like this fox with mange in wales-- i will try to get a photo if it comes back}

at the time i was just spooked and confused and uncertain, but now somehow through the "magic" of "feelings", a fucking mangy fox/chupacabra has brought back all my mystery creature fascinations (which admittedly weren't really all that gone anyhow) and odd and unsettling childhood memories of seeing pictures of a thylacine in a book and just wanting to see one so badly, only to discover they were already all gone and my out-of-date book had led me astray. I don't know why it still matters to me, but it does.

beautiful inside my head forever





does it bother you that i save my hair when it falls out? it bothers me.

it bothers me.